We visited Madeira Beach on the gulf coast of Florida with Amy, AJ, & the girls on Sunday. It was difficult for me, I am getting dizzy when traveling & I feel a lot of chest fluttering. We went to a restaurant that had live music. I ordered fish & chips. We looked at a lot of condos & apartments. We found one yesterday  in Celebration, it fits the budget on the high end but we’ll be close to Amy. Frankly I don’t see anyway we will find anything suitable for us. I am in a strange agony and am feeling suicidal. I won’t do anything because I can’t figure out how to kill myself. If it doesn’t go away, then I plan on telling Mark that we’ll need to move closer to Dave. Overall I am in so much pain. I’m trying to focus on God.