Sadness

With the exception of my greatest joy, Rylee Faith born on June 30th, the month of June has been of sadness. My husband Mark has been laid off on or around my birthday on far to many occasions...and...again another lay off in the month of June. I guess I will have to admit that I am completely and utterly depressed..... I try to avoid thinking any negative thoughts, I try to focus on the positive and truth, but without a doubt I wish I were not alive, death is something I wish for daily, a way to be out from the feelings of doom. I try with all of my mind to say, just hang in there, it's bound to get better, but this gloom just lingers all about me. This morning, as I panicked on how we would survive another lay off, how do we live without money...Mark helped me see that we would have enough money for the next month mortgage, also the bills from this month are covered...that should have helped me with these feelings of doom, unfortunately not, for here I sit in a puddle of tears scared of tomorrow...I know it's ridiculous, but when fear puts it's hold on you, nothing can break it's bond:(. I know & truthfully believe nothing is impossible with God, yet June came again, pulled the rug out from under me and here I sit.......